Every person who has adequate self-esteem considers himself unique, he understands that he has qualities that he can be proud of, and for their presence he loves himself. A person is tolerant of those manifestations of character that may not be the most useful, because there is an understanding that this is quite normal. If a person has a need to acquire some new skills or qualities, then with a high degree of probability he will strive to acquire them. In other words, a person will change himself in order to become better. And moreover, very often this “better” has a very specific description and benefit for a person. For example, by learning English, a person acquires useful skills and opportunities for career advancement, or simply the opportunity to travel the world without experiencing language difficulties. Will such changes be beneficial for humans? Definitely yes. But often a person’s attitude towards change changes dramatically. When a conflict arises in a couple about certain qualities of one of the partners, then most likely, and most often, this causes very strong resistance in the person. Both men and women are more likely to perceive such statements as an attempt to change them against their will. It is this perception of the desire of one of the partners that leads to conflict. Often, in such cases, people use cliches that people do not change, that it is impossible to change parental attitudes. And to some extent they are right. But what if we look at the situation differently? If you ask yourself the question, what will change in the relationship after the changes occur? In most cases, people pay attention only to what the partner will receive, while they lose sight of what the person himself will receive. After all, many changes can be beneficial to the person himself, since after they occur, the attitude towards him changes. For example, a man asks a woman to quit smoking because he considers it harmful to health, and as a non-smoker, it is simply unpleasant for him to kiss her. If a woman quits smoking, then she is doing better for her health, and the plus is the fact that the man will probably kiss her more often. Another example, a woman’s request addressed to a man not to abuse alcohol when fulfilling it may well lead to the man himself beginning to feel both physically and psychologically better, and plus the woman’s attitude towards him will most likely also change. Of course, the examples given are very simple, but the goal is to show how most of the changes are useful to the person himself, no less than to his partner. Ultimately, taking into account the opinion of the person who is nearby, a person changes for himself, and not for him. It's just not always visible at first glance. It’s not bad to ask yourself the question “What will I get if I change?” It is important to learn to notice and appreciate the changes that occur to a person, and not take them for granted as a process. Then the interaction and relationship between a man and a woman will have the opportunity to develop, delivering both him and her positive emotions and feelings. Naturally, not everything needs to be changed and everything can be changed; there are traits that truly determine a person’s personality. But they can be supplemented; the same can be done with parental attitudes; for a person, in most cases, they (these attitudes) have the force of peculiar laws. Laws cannot be broken, but they can be amended, in other words, supplemented. Thus, a person, while maintaining his individuality, also acquires useful traits in life and communication skills. After all, if your coffee is not sweet, it is easier to add sugar than to brew new one. Live with joy! Anton Chernykh.PS You need advice and help, do not delay, contact: https://www.b17.ru/antonch/#consultation or send a request in free form, indicating the reason for the request, to the email]